When our depravity meets His divinity, it is a beautiful collision.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Air Force: Year One!

On this morning last year, I woke up for the last time (for a while, anyway) with my husband. We got dressed. I swear my legs wouldn't work. In one way I wanted the morning to last forever, but at the same time I wanted the next 6 months to fly. What an awful push and pull of emotions.

We left and went to eat breakfast at IHOP. I kept most of my tears in because I knew I had to be strong. He was the one walking into the unknown. We talked about the future and some about the past. I mostly stared at him because I couldn't believe it was really happening. After we ate I drove him to his recruiter's office, we hugged for a few minutes, shared a kiss, and he walked away.

That was it. There was nothing glamorous about the situation. There was no one last long kiss goodbye in the sunset. There was no soft music in the background. There was nothing but me watching my best friend walk away like he would be back tomorrow. Never have I felt so much pain and emotion all at once. I drove away as quickly as I could. Emptiness. It was almost like I felt nothing, and that is the worst feeling of all. Driving down the road, with no thought in my mind, the tears came. How in the world would I get through this? How does life happen without the one person that makes life?

I made it home, to my parent's house where I would live for the next six months of my life, and I got into bed. I was hoping that I could sleep away the hurt, or at least sleep away the thoughts racing in my mind.

I think about this day last year and it still makes me sad. The feelings and emotions were so strong. I didn't want them there. I didn't want to be sad, but I couldn't make it go away. Isn't that the worst? When something you don't want has taken over, yet nothing can be done to change the situation.

Now, fast forward life for 2 months and we had gotten past one big hurdle. Eight weeks, a handful of letters from him and a letter a day to him, a phone call every week or two if we were lucky, and we made it through. I still can't accurately describe the emotions of my first moment seeing him again. Sheer joy. Ecstatic. Elated. Jumping up and down. Nope, none of it describes the way I felt. Not enough, anyway.

 What a sweet time in my life. So much love and pride all wrapped up into one moment. My husband not only made it through basic training, but he made it out on top. I knew he was awesome, but...did he really accomplish that much???

One of the reasons that I can look back on that time and smile is because we came out on the other side and I saw a completely different side of myself, my husband, and my Jesus. I was strong. Stronger than I ever imagined I could be. No, not physical strength, but a toughness of the heart that let me know I could handle anything with the help of God. I had no choice but to see the faithfulness of God. He took a situation that I just knew I couldn't handle and he made me better because of it.

One year after that awful emotional day, I sit at my computer in my new home and I am happy. Truly. Sure, my husband works long hours sometimes. Today he started 12 hour shifts. He will be doing this for the next week or more. We'll only get 2 or 3 hours together every evening until this is over. BUT...2 or 3 hours is so much better than what we had last year at this time.

Isn't this what life is all about? Looking at my situation and seeing that it could always be worse. I try to look at where I am each day, and if I have things to complain about I remember a time that was worse. I give my thanks to the Air Force for teaching me this valuable lesson. 

Today, I am so very thankful for the Air Force. For what it has taught us, for how it has changed us, and for how it has made us better. I have no idea where we will end up in the next 5 years. Will we continue the Air Force life or will God have new plans for us? I have no idea, but I do know that God will take care of us.

Where do I want to be in 5 years? It doesn't matter, as long as I've got my man by my side and enough money to survive. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh! Wow, that almost brought tears to my eyes! I am so glad that someone else wants to Thank the Air Force for the same reasons I do. I never thought I could leave my husband for 8 weeks, and not hear from him very often. I never thought I would be so thankful for him leaving. I learned a lot and got through it all. It made my realtionship with the Lord so much stronger. I"m so happy to see someone else thinking the same way, and someone so close to God. I'm so happy you can sit here and wright this. :) Sarah you are an amazing person, and I hope I can read more of your blogs... You have such a personal and close realtionship with the Lord. I don't have internet at home anymore, but I hope everytime I get on here I can read something amazing from you. :)


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